700 Club’s Pat Robertson stated this week that divorce is okay when one of the spouses has Alzheimer’s Disease.
Although most marriage vows contain the phrase “for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health til death do us part”, during a question and answer session this week, the religious broadcaster told his viewers that divorcing a spouse who has Alzheimer’s Disease was justifiable because Alzheimer’s Disease is “a kind of death.”
“I know it sounds cruel, but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her (or him) and start all over again, but make sure she (he) has custodial care and somebody looking after her (him),” Robertson said. He did also say that it was a very difficult decision and one that might best be handled by an ethics committee rather than himself, but that he would not lay a guilt trip onto a person who made the decision to divorce under those circumstances.
According to the AARP website “Divorce is uncommon among couples where one partner is suffering from Alzheimer’s, said Beth Kallmyer, director of constituent services for the Alzheimer’s Association, which provides resources to sufferers and their families.”
Still others have handled it differently. CBS news correspondent, Barry Peterson, author of the book “Jan’s Story: Love Lost to the Long Goodbye of Alzheimer’s” chose to introduce a new woman to his life without divorcing his spouse, Jan, who no longer recognizes him and resides in a memory facility. He did so with the blessing of Jan’s family. Both Mr. Peterson and his new partner visit Jan often.
With medical science, people are living longer and longer and that includes those who suffer from Alzheimer’s Disease. Is it fair to deny the surviving spouse the right to intimacy and soulful connection for what could be a decades long slow death? I don’t know.
Here are some of the reactions I received when I posted the link to the article on Twitter:
“Read an overview of segment. Couldn’t watch video. Most disappointing.”
“He obviously hasn’t lived with someone who has Alzheimer’s disease. I have and there is much love to share to the end.”
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I’m speechless! Because one spouse has Alzheimer’s does not mean love ends! Mr. Robinson seems to have forgotten that love is the foundation of marriage, not health.
Living with a spouse whose memory is erased by Alzheimer’s has to be one of the hardest things to deal with.
It is easy for me to say that promises made before God are solemn, binding vows not to be broken.
I can only hope I will have the courage and faithfulness to care for my husband in any and all circumstances. Jesus already lived out an extreme sacrifice for me to follow.
Caring for someone you love with Alzheimer’s is really an uphill struggle. It hurts when someone close to you is having frequent memory loss. It’s even worse when he/she no longer recognizes you. Many people see marriage as a solemn vow that needs to be endured until the end. While others may say, as Mr. Robertson said, that it’s a kind of death which makes divorce under such circumstances okay.
This disease really consumes a large part of your patience. Caring for your loved one diagnosed with this disease requires collaboration between the client’s spouse and family as well as the care provider. There can never a complete care plan without the involvement of the family. Cases of Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia really demands a personalized type of care where care providers should be transparent using a point of care software or tool. In this way, the client’s spouse and family will have a clear oversight of the patient’s care plan.
Thank you for your comments – you bring up some very legitimate points. To the caregiver, it would seem as if they had lost the person that they married to a cruel kind of death.
Shelley
Wow this is a tough topic to tackle. My grandpa went through this and stuck by her side.
Shelley, I find what Pat Robertson said is deplorable. The Lord says, “In sickness and in health. Till death do you part.” Pat Robertson says, “Who cares if you’re sick or well. Till a ‘sort of a death’ do you part.” Pat Robertson has his “own gospel.” And who should we believe, anyway? Jesus or Pat? I’ll go with Jesus any day. I find Pat repugnant. Pat Robertson encourages other’s to abandon their spouse when they need them the most. Anyway, even though it’s not the point, how does one even know exactly how much one is comforted by their presence, whether they appear to know you or not. Ronald Reagan’s son would come to visit him often, and each time Ronald Reagan saw him, he became extremely excited and happy, got a big smile, and hugged his son. Yet he didn’t know his son, it was told. He just knew his son was “someone who made him happy.” Another thing i was to say is that it doesn’t even matter what recognition the person with dementia has of you if you are the person who has promised to love them and be one with them “till death till you part.” A promise to them, and to Jesus, is just that. A promise. It’s bc the person with dementia needs you. Don’t leave them in their time of deepest need. They didn’t leave you all the years you needed them — they stuck with you for all the years you needed them. When the going gets rough, stay with them bc they need you; stay because you’re one. Stay out of love, stay bc it’s “death till you part.” Stay bc they need you. And my prayer is that if you ever need it also, someone will be there for you also, making sure you get the best care possible, and holding your hand till the end.
krissy knox